Becoming, Belonging, and Beloved Community
I recently had the privilege of speaking at the graduation of our latest that completed Stillpoint ”The Art of Spiritual Direction” program in Southern California. I started with this poem by Paul Coelho:
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much
about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about
un-becoming everything
that isn’t really you
so, you can be who you were
meant to be in the first place.”
I spoke about how this poem reflects what spiritual companions provide—a container when those we accompany can uncover, discover, recover who they are meant to be—the wholeness, the spark of Divinity that is already within them. This journey starts with us continuing to doing our own work. The journey of “becoming” who we are meant to be involves the spirituality of becoming and the spirituality of un-becoming. We make friends with all parts of ourselves, let go of the messages the normative, dominant culture imposes. And this process is one of mutual witnessing and becoming.
A key element for this kind of accompaniment is radical hospitality. Welcoming all parts of ourselves--our shadows, gifts, bodies, traumas, sexuality. In Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life, Henri Nouwen states, “Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines. It brings them into a circle of community, grounded in personal experience and mutual relationships.” Nouwen further states-- “The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to create emptiness, not a fearful emptiness, but a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and find themselves free; free to sing their own songs, speak their own languages, dance their own dances; free to leave and follow their own vocations.”
The following are some useful principles: Keep relationships central. Compassionate posture. Attention to power, privilege dynamics. Attention to diverse needs. Joint projects. Encourage questions, dissent and active participation. Modeling authenticity and vulnerability. Imagine our programs, organizations practicing this.
This kind of accompaniment and hospitality is so relevant to our collective work in the world today. As I muddle through my own thoughts, I am drawing on other wisdom figures who express this better than I can. Earlier this year at the memorial service for Judith Favor (a grounding presence and wisdom figure for so many of us and for Stillpoint for many years)—a woman who studied with Judith share these words that Judith wrote:
“You and I are called to practice hospitality in chaotic times, so take courage. The more turbulent and alarming that public events become, the more important it is to grow in inner stability so that we can offer hospitality to those around us. Empires rise and fall. Sometimes the center does not hold - a job, a marriage, an economy or a nation and still people love each other and go out of their way for a stranger. Hospitality to yourself preserves your inner freedom and strengthens your agency, so you are never cowed or bowed by the behavior of others. Hospitality calls us to put one foot in front of the other, lifting each other up all along the way.”
Father Greg Boyle , of Homeboy Industries, during a talk about in his ministry with gang members, asks “Are you available to receive the other” and “ Are you available to be received by the other” He invites to kinship—to join in at the margins, so the margins become the center.
The Arabs used to say,
When a stranger appears at your door,
feed him for three days
before asking who he is,
where he’s come from,
where he’s headed.
That way, he’ll have strength
enough to answer.
Or, by then you’ll be
such good friends
you don’t care.
— Naomi Shihab Nye, from “The Red Brocade”
Spiritual companioning is many things—listening, attending, noticing, discovery, discerning, offering gentle and at times hard questions. It is a holy hospitality where all of who we are can be seen , heard, received and welcomed. This kind of becoming, unbecoming, and radical hospitality can give you, me and us a sense of belonging—a place for all of us, where we work on our own and collective biases, shadows, and projections. It can lead us to become a Beloved Community . Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said:
“A community that includes diversity and allows for tension undergirded by love and leading to transformation. To do so, we must truly love our neighbors as we love ourselves. We must change. And we must commit to tangible action.“
Dr. King defined the beloved community as “a global vision in which all people can share in the wealth of the earth - a world where racism and all forms of discrimination, bigotry, and prejudice will be replaced by an all-inclusive spirit of sisterhood and brotherhood.”
When we are practicing the beloved community, we center love for humanity. Love as accountability. Love as justice. Love as community. Love as belonging.
Some questions for our reflection:
What is stirring in you as you read this?
What might be the next small steps you might be called to take?
Are the organizations, systems you are involved with engaging these questions?
Ravi
Ravi Verma, is Stillpoint's Program Director, a spiritual director and has worked professionally with churches and lay leaders for over 25 years. Ravi’s passion is to work with individuals and groups to build bridges between parts of ourselves, with others and the cosmos based on our connection to the Divine. Ravi, born in India, teaches at Stillpoint, and works with corporations, retreat centers, and non-profits on issues of spiritual formation. Ravi is a past member of the coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International, the first global learning network of spiritual directors in history.