The Art of Listening
By Elizabeth Morton, Stillpoint Faculty
Art of Spiritual Direction Year 1
Photo Credit: Christopher Kelly
“To listen is to lean in, softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear.” - Mark Nepo
I began my two-year internship in the Art of Spiritual Direction with Stillpoint in 2018. This notion of calling spiritual direction “an art form” greatly appealed to me. As a longtime practitioner of the art of acting and the art of writing, this was a framework that I innately understood.
In my experience, when an artist trains in her profession, she comes with the gift (already born in her) and the school provides the opportunity to learn a craft, to be mentored, and to practice her art. And then, after graduating from the training program and becoming a professional, the artist has a lifelong responsibility to continue to learn & explore & develop her art.
A spiritual director practices the art of listening. And, just like any other art form, you need not be a trained professional to practice it! You need not be a spiritual director to be a listening artist.
Are you a good listener? Are you able and willing to truly give someone your undivided attention? In this busy, noisy world, the gift of someone’s undivided attention is incredibly meaningful. Because it isn’t as simple as shutting up and turning off a cell phone. To be wholly present with another person, the good listener quiets their busy, noisy inner world, too.
That inner world is a great place for us listening artists to go to practice, to rehearse, our precious art form. After all, how can I truly listen to another if I’m unable to listen to myself? How can I learn to quiet my mind if I don’t first identify my mind’s chatter? How can I understand someone else’s truth if I’ve never attempted to understand my own? The trifecta of silence & stillness & solitude makes for a mighty dynamic classroom.
According to Mark Nepo, listening requires a willingness to be changed. That willingness, to me, is an opening in my mind and heart for something new to come in. That willingness is - again and again - choosing curiosity over judgment, compassion over indifference.
Don’t you find that the best listeners you know are ones who are genuinely curious? Who are available for the unique perspective that you are offering? Who have no agenda? Who seek to understand rather than make assumptions about your experience? Who aren’t quick to interrupt? Who are mysteriously able to ‘hold the space’ for you to speak freely? Who are comfortable sharing silence with you?
When I’m in the presence of an exceptional listener, when sharing something from the heart with this person, I’m somehow able to listen to myself in a way that can be profound and surprising. I’ve actually had some juicy epiphanies while being deeply listened to. It’s as though that exceptional listener is giving me permission to unearth a truth that’s lingering below the surface. That listener’s willingness to be changed, in turn, changes me.
Listening to that ‘still small voice within,’ that voice (from the soul? from Spirit?) of guidance & truth, is no small thing. Because it requires that willingness to be changed. For isn’t it the ‘still small voice within’ that says, “I’m in love,” “I’m gay,” “my church is no longer nourishing me,” “I am too hard on myself,” “I don’t feel safe here,” “it’s time to divorce him,” “it’s time to start that new career,” “my anger is destructive,” “my drinking is a problem.” Each of those examples, when really heard, demand change in the listener.
We can also practice the art of listening by paying attention to the world around us. The act of noticing brings us deeper into the present moment. Stand still in a busy, noisy place...take it in...what all do you notice? In this moment, as you are reading this, what do you hear, see, feel, taste, smell? What sensations are you aware of in your emotional and energetic bodies?
Cultivating greater and greater awareness (both inner and outer, both spiritual and worldly) is the devotion of the listening artist. It’s what builds our stamina to be wholly present. It’s what broadens our capacity for compassion. It’s what helps us consciously participate. Let’s face it, deeply listening to the world right now, during such a polarizing time, when distractions are aplenty, is a radical act.
Mother Earth herself is shouting her rage at us with climate caused catastrophes. The poor are suffering in a myriad of ways while the billionaire class rules over everything. Protesters are demanding that we dismantle our racist and military systems. Young people are visioning a future that is kinder, more egalitarian, that structures life around human interconnectedness. (Oh, that we all will listen to them!)
Honestly, what I find most difficult to listen to right now are the voices of those I consider to be bigots, authoritarian followers, haters who spew ignorance from their mouths. In my more compassionate moments, I try to listen for what’s underneath their words and actions. I try my best to be genuinely curious. Is that angry person deeply afraid of something? Is he lost in a world he doesn’t understand? Has he been repeatedly lied to? Is he terrified of the God of his understanding? Does he feel powerless? Was he wounded as a child? Has he ever been offered a different perspective?
Being curious about a racist (or homophobic or violent) person’s POV doesn’t mean I wish to support their actions or that I could ever agree with their sentiments. I am simply seeking to understand a fellow human being with as much compassion as I can muster.
In a world that is in the throes of change, that is held by a Mysterious Silence underneath all the noise, that is home to billions of humans who long to be understood...what a magnificent time it is to practice the art of listening. The question is...are you willing?
If you made it to the end of this stream-of-consciousness essay, if you read this with a curious mind and an open heart, I’d bet that you are indeed willing. I’d bet that you are a masterful artist.
Thanks for listening.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth Morton completed her two-year training in the Art of Spiritual Direction with Stillpoint in 2020. Her additional study with Stillpoint includes Group Spiritual Direction, Internal Family Systems as a Model for Spiritual Companions, and Supervision for Spiritual Directors. She’s currently part of the Stillpoint faculty, as a mentor for 1st year interns. Back in 2005, Elizabeth was ordained as an interfaith minister in New York City after a two year training with the New Seminary. She’s officiated dozens of weddings, memorial services, and other ceremonies that honor life transitions. One of her lifelong passions and curiosities is the relationship between spirituality and social justice. She's attended numerous conferences on that topic. Elizabeth is an actor and writer who hails from Louisville KY. www.secularchaplain.com