The Power of Naming

The title of psychologist Eugene Gendlin’s book, Focusing, is the word he coined for a practice used in his therapy. In his years of counseling, he noticed the important feelings deep within us, and the wisdom they have to share. They are shy, he would say. And because they present initially as vague and undefined, it is easy to let them go. He helped people focus like with a lens, enlarge, zoom in so they could be named. Naming helped healing. 

These felt senses begin as the tip of something, peeking out and asking for some attention.  Gendlin learned that these feelings didn’t need talking or analysis as much as they needed listening to, and by the one who is having them. 

What is unique in his approach is asking his clients to give these shy places a gentle, warm invitation from where they reside in the body. They require a relationship of trust. We must listen to our feelings as we would to a friend who is struggling, with care and compassion. This is often what is missing. 

When something hurts in life, we don’t usually think of it as our path or as a source of wisdom.  In fact, we think that the reason we’re on the path is to get rid of this painful feeling… At that level of wanting to get rid of our feeling, we naively cultivate a subtle aggression against ourselves.

-Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

It is our own care that our feelings need, and we ourselves are the best people for this job.  Gendlin found that noticing and then nurturing our important feelings was the opening for the body to share what it knows. It can come as a brief memory, an image, lyrics to a song, a remembered smell or color. It is in a language that the body understands, a kind of metaphor that tells the whole story. 

I am grateful for spiritual practices like Focusing that help connect us with the profound gift of naming. Not because something has been fixed, or changed or even figured out, but it is named. What was blurry is now in focus. Seen. Known. Like the feeling of being lost and then found. It is an amazing grace.

What is true is already so. Owning up to it doesn't make it worse. Not being open about it doesn't make it go away. And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with. Anything untrue isn't there to be lived. People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it.

- Eugene Gendlin 

In spiritual companionship, a similar process is at work. Time and space is created for deep listening. In this welcoming place, where trust has been established, we help people listen for the still small voice within, and their own inner wisdom.  Often naming an experience helps us know where we are and who we are. In Spiritual Direction, we also name our experiences of God. It helps us know the Holy and how Spirit is active in our lives.

During this time of global pandemic, it is my experience that much of me feels out of focus. I am present, but so much feels cloudy much of the time. It is an uncomfortable feeling. We have never been here before, but now have been here for such a long time, with no end in sight. Naming that life feels out of focus is to focus. 

Recently, I had a dream. Dreams are another form of communication from deep within. It was what I like to call a naming dream. It named what life feels like for me in a small, little scene better than anything I could come up with during my conscious hours awake.  

I arrived at an intimate celebration of some kind. It was an outdoor evening affair at a roof top venue. I was part of a group of hosts, and we were waiting for our guests to arrive. Everything looked beautiful, with string lights illuminating this festive event. There was a warm welcoming fire providing warmth and bright presence. It was beautiful. 
AND in the dream it was pouring rain!
No one seemed to notice as the rain drenched us and all our preparations. It just was.  

I woke up smiling. Not because the rain had stopped, or the guests had arrived, or the pandemic was over, but because my world and how it feels had been named.

Blessings for the Journey, 

Elizabeth+

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